Well…I did an 50 km ultra marathon yesterday.

 Many people asked me, “Have you ever done a marathon before Jess?”. When I reply with a “no” they always seem puzzled and then ask “Then why the ultra?”.

To tell you the truth, I still can’t exactly pin point why I felt the need to do an ultra marathon.  I just had  a feeling that it would be something good for me to do…. that there was something I would gain from the experience.  I did know beforehand that I was looking to hit a wall in order to be given the opportunity to break through… so maybe that’s it. I don’t like hiding from walls. I like searching for them so that I can stand face to face with them and be given the opportunity to overcome them. 

The week before my ultra I was given the opportunity to compete in a relay race on a highly competitive woman’s team for the Snow to Surf Relay Race at Mt Washington. Now I definitely knew ahead of time that this was probably not the best idea being just 6 days before my ultra, but I let my mind get tempted and joined the team.  I thought to myself  ”Oh it’s only a 7.5km run…all downhill. Should be a piece of cake!”.

BAD IDEA.  Jess what were you thinking!

Although the Snow to Surf race was a lot of fun, I raced extremely hard and I woke up the next day unable to walk or even lower myself to the toilet seat. I had to use my scrawny little arms, gripping tightly onto the railings just to get me down the stairs!

Downhill running is brutal on your legs, especially when you try to do it fast and that’s what I learned for sure! 

So needless to say, I spent the next 5 days icing my legs in the ocean, easy biking, massaging, getting acupuncture, and using special muscle ointments while trying to get myself ready for the big day.

Friday evening came, the night before the ultra, and I still felt sore. I definitely had no problem walking, but my muscles were still tight and fatigued. For the first time, I considered dropping out of the race, which is something I’ve never done before.

In the end I decided I was just going to go for it because “just going for it” is all I know. 

I set my alarm for 4:30 am for the 6:00 am start. I downed about 6 liquid bananas and threw on my runners while running out the door. I debated what I was going to do for a warm up and then started laughing out loud when I realized that my normal 45 minute track warm up probably wasn’t ideal for a 50km race. 

The race started on time and just 1km in, it really hit me.  Oh my gosh….my legs are cramping already and we are only on km 1. Great, only 49 km more to go. This is so not cool. I felt the fear creep in that I might not actually be able to finish. I have never ever dropped out of a race that I started even if I was literally crying, coughing, limping or bleeding.  I knew that today would certainly test my determination, but mostly just my tired body. 

At the 10 km mark my legs were tight and sore! Based on my training I knew that I normally reach this “level of tiredness” at km 30. I did my best to remain calm and and patient, which I figured out is definitely a good strategy in an ultra. I finished 20 kms at about the same level of tiredness. km 20-30 was very difficult, but I was excited and optimistic. I knew that when I completed 30 km I would be more than half way done. I began to gain confidence. When I had reached the 30km mark my legs were screaming at me!  ”Jess, what the heck are you doing? This isn’t funny anymore!”  

When I reached km 42 I literally started laughing out loud. My body was so sore but at the same time I was being pumped full of endorphins so I was in a lot of pain but at the same time a little but “high”.  It was a weird feeling. I was also laughing at the pain, because it’s easier than crying… as I soon discovered. Km 45 came rolling around and I really did start crying. “Ouch, GOD! this really hurts.” I looked at all of the people out on the trail out for their saturday morning strolls, with big grins on their faces and greeting me as they went by while I could barely  gasp back to them.  I soon learned that it’s hard to breathe and cry at the same time so I had to stop that pretty quick. That’s a talent eh? Stop crying on demand! haha

And then It came.  This was the moment I was waiting for.

This was the wall. I knew I would be finishing. At this point, in my mind it wasn’t an option to stop. I had two choices I could keep fighting the pain, or surrender to it.

So….I completely surrendered. I felt myself accept everything. “YES -I may be in a lot of pain, but I AM OK.” I suddenly became VERY present and began focusing just on the next step in front of me. I was now in what’s known by athletes as the “flow state”.

I broke the barrier I was out to break, which was not the pain itself but the resisting of the pain.  I accepted the pain and the pain resolved. 

I soon unexpectedly met my sister on the trail, who ran the last few kilometers with me. At two km’s to go, she said to me “Jess, there’s a girl coming up from behind you”. 

 I felt a rush of adrenaline pump through my entire body and my legs began to go faster.  Oh my goodness! Where did this come from? A moment ago I was doing EVERYTHING I could just to keep my legs moving. I realized after the race that this response must now be automatic in my body from my years of competitive racing. I never seize to be amazed by the wonders of adrenaline.

This girl fell back pretty quickly and I soon crossed the line. When I crossed I could not breath, I could not talk, I could not smile, I couldn’t bend down, nothing. BUT I WAS DONE. I did it!

I felt my defenses come down and after a few pictures with my family, I realized I really couldn’t walk. Not one more step. My sister and Dad carried me to the lake and I stood in up to waist to cool off my legs. 

This race was an emotional roller coaster but there were a few things I took from it that can be applied to all areas of life.

1) Follow your gut  (ie don’t race the week before even if your “mind” wants to)

2) Accept everything no matter how hard. ( ie. accepting the pain on km 45 brought me fully to the present and into the state of flow)

3) Just when you think your doing the best you can. Ditch that idea. You can always do more. (even if you require adrenaline for a little boost!)

I also found out just the night before that this race was the National 50km Championships. To tell you the truth,  I wasn’t really attached to the idea of it being a race at all. I was just out to do it. I placed third so that was just a bonus! haha

I guess there arn’t that many crazy people in Canada who train for this kind of absurd distance.

 I was just very happy to be given the challenge and come out alive.

A huge thank you to my platinum sponsors  ”Coaching and Leadership International”  for their unwavering support.

http://www.coachingandleadership.com

Love to everyone reading this!